Right now I don't know that there's anyone who gets it, anyone I can really be honest with about what's going on. I can't even begin to describe what's happening, though some people reading this may think, "ah, now that sounds very familiar!"
So I'm in Orlando. Family vacation. Our family is not your typical family, but more on that later. My daughter Suzy (obviously not her real name) just blew up and left the condo saying she was tired of being here and was going to find another way to get home. We live in a large urban area in a midwestern state. It took two days to drive here. Obviously she's not walking.
The thing is, Suzy's not a kid. She's 21. But she has these temper tantrums. And lately as my life has been more and more stressed, I find myself having them as well. Mine are more like mini-rages. It builds and builds and builds and finally I scream and yell and say how pissed off I am. And then I feel a lot better and an hour later it's like it never happened.
Suzy doesn't do that. It's, I don't know, maybe.... like her anger is a contant state. She is always made. Nothing I do is right. Nothing is ever good enough. Nothing satisfies her. Not everyone conversation but many, have me saying normal things like "I'm going to be late tonight, you'll have to have dinner on your own" with her responding something like, "but you said you'd be here by seven!" in a ridiculously accusatory voice.
Suzy would be so upset if she saw me call anything she does "ridiculous." That's one of her trigger words. She has a lot of triggers. I spend a lot of energy avoiding them but sometimes I just can't help it or don't want to bother expending the emotional energy to continually motify everything I do to avoid another confrontation with her. So sometimes I trigger her.
Today was one of those days. I bought her a spa treatment at our vacation resort. She was a little late and was convienced that they didn't give her the full 50 minutes of massage. I talked to the manager who said they did and who gave Suzy a free day pass to use another day plus a gift (some bath salts which were outrageously expensive) when she found out it was Suzy's first time at a spa. Suzy didn't bother thanking the woman (or me for paying for the spa treatment). It was expensive too. I've never been to a spa, but now she has.
Oh, and did I mention, it's my birthday? Yeah. More on that later.
Usually she's pretty good at thanking me for things. And I think she means it too. But even when she says thank you, she always seems dissatisfied and unhappy. Anyway, that's just background and not particularly germaine to the story. So today we get in the car and we're leaving the spa and my friend calls. The special-someone I just recently started dating a few months ago. We're not really partners but we're definitely what high schoolers would call "going steady."
Anyway, M is down here in Orlando as well, coincidently staying with friends at a nearby timeshare. The coincidence makes a lot more sense when I point out that we both teach at the same university and this is our winter break week. So M (plus a friend) is planning on meeting up with us for snacks and movies after dinner here in our condo. After some negociating we arrive at the conclusion that I need to call back with exact times, etc.
Suzy's first words when I get off the phone were angry and accusatory. "You didn't tell me we were going over there!" I lost it.
"Dammit, Suzy!" I was so tired of her always being mad at me. Always being nasty. Shouldn't we be done wiht this already? I mean, come on, she's 21 not 15.
Well me losing my temper gave her the permission she wanted to lay it on full force. She cusses, a lot. I do too, but Suzy, she just rages. At some point I said that I was tired of her raging at me the way that she rages at everyone else, meaning her siblings and Jack, her husband.
Yes, you heard that right, she's married.
That comment of course was a trigger. She screamed for a few minutes, inside the car and out. Everyone was staring. I was embaressed. Then she took off saying that she was leaving and finding her own way back home. So that's where she left it. Yet another crisis.
And did I mention, today's my birthday?
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